I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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