meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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