all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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