Sry I called you an 8
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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