omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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