Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
