The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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