You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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