Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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