john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
