She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
