At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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