Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
