Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
