My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
