Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
