All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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