I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
