This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
