cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
