It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
