Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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