Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
