Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
