I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i now understand why vodka
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
