i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
