okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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