You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
