hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
