Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize