I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
time to smoke my breakfast
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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