My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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