Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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