I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
