just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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