the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
