i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
