I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
