i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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