I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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