Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
