i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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