so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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