can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
