Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
