He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
