she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
