This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
