It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
