i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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