Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
