but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
