Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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