i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
